Failed Gardener Tutorial

1. Go to Sams.  Get lured into the spring bulbs.  Forget all about black thumb's score (BT: Everything  Plants: none).
2.  Collect info on dividing plants. 

3.  Wait till naptime, get out huge shovel.  Spend 45 minutes digging holes and scattering bulbs.  Yell at the squirrel scout.  Pat back prematurely.
4.  Divide daylilies.  Decapitate a few.  Shrug and plant in holes anyway.
5.  Ignore audible crying from second story.
6.  Plant bulbs in second bed.  Yell at the squirrel scouts.  Start digging holes deeper.  Tersely answer myriad questions from escaped oldest child.  Continue to ignore noisy second story.
7.  Clutch back.  Belatedly remember past 4 years, 3 pregnancies and 3 labors.  Leave gardening mess for husband to pick up.
8.  Clean up poopy mess on second story.  Glance out window.  Yell at snooping squirrels.
9.  Limp downstairs.  Make dinner, set table, greet husband.  Glance out window.  Yell at poaching squirrels.
10.  Google daylily dividing.  Discover in dismay that you did it at the wrong time in the wrong way.
11.  Go to Teske's.  Buy more gardening things with hope in your heart.